Tuesday, 23 July 2013

Clone 4 - Chapter 1




Nice shoebox!!
Yeah, it's your shoebox - I'm glad you like it!!
I was being sarcastic - please tell me you don't expect me to live there!!
Stop moaning - you've had worse .... a lot worse!!!

What is wrong with you now!!??
I don't like this bench!!  I keep having horrible dreams about being homeless and sleeping on a bench just like this one!!
(Giggles because its not actually a dream)
Marty that bench is the least of your worries right now!!
Yeah - I can imagine YOU are - I guess there is something nasty coming my way again!!  So come on - what have you got me doing this time???

I want you to have some children and grandchildren for me.
That doesn't sound too bad - so I can get married and have a family and live a normal life for a change?
Not exactly - you definitely can't get married until after you have given me all the children and grandchildren that I want.
I should have known it was too good to be true and that there would be a catch!!  How many children are we talking about anyway?
I want you to have 100 children ......
100 children and 30 grandchildren to be precise!! 
Are you mad??!!  What are you trying to do kill me off - more to the point how do you expect one woman to have 100 babies?!

It's not going to be just one woman - in fact - its going to be a lot of different women, one woman one pregnancy, if you are lucky you might get some twins or triplets sometimes.
Yeah right!!!  Like I'm a hunk who has lots of women throwing themselves at me everyday!!!  I have trouble finding one women how do you expect me to find lots of them?
You don't need to worry about that -  you will be getting a constant stream of female housemates, I'll supply the victims women all you have to do is supply the babies.
Why did you just call them victims?
Because contrary to what they might think, you wont be falling in love with them or getting married to them, they will only be staying long enough to give you a baby, then you will be kicking them out and keeping the baby.
Charming - I don't know how you sleep at night!!!
You are the one who is going to be having the sleepless nights - lots of babies crying!!

So now you have had a look around, its not quite the shoebox you thought is it?!
I suppose, but if you think I'm getting 100 children in this house, you're off your head!!
You have a lot of empty land on this lot so you can extend and build yourself a bigger and better house  - once you've earned some money of course.
Yes I need to get a job, I notice you haven't given me much money again, where is the sports stadium in this town?

There isn't a sports stadium in this town - and you can't get yourself a job anyway - You will need to stay at home and be a full time Dad.
Great!!  So where is the money coming from?
You have to earn your money by fishing - gardening - writing - painting - busking - anyway you can find to earn money without being employed.
I don't think I want to hear anymore - do you always set out on purpose to give me a shit life!!?? 
Everyone else only gets one life - so why are you even complaining?!

So are you just going to sit sulking for the rest of day watching TV - when you could be out doing something useful - like making a start on earning some money?
No actually, I am doing something useful,  I'm watching a fishing program, learning how to fish - not that I know where to fish in this town!!
I'll put you a pond in the garden, after all you won't be able to wander too far once the babies start arriving will you. Maybe you should go and have a wander around the town now while you have the chance.

Now what are you doing - you look shifty?
I'm looking for some seeds to plant but they don't seem to have any.
No they won't they sell fruit and veg - not seeds.
So how do I start off my garden?
You can plant the fruit and veg and they will grow the same as seeds but maybe you should read some gardening books at the library first.

Well this is just great!!!   Out of all that fruit and veg I bought - I can only plant one tomato!!
Well I did tell you to read a gardening book first!!
This is ridiculous, it would be much easier just to let me get a job!!
No!!  You can't afford to pay a baby sitter everyday anyway!!

Where did this wishing well come from?
Its that pond I promised you - I thought we would cheat a little - it will save you running around town trying to find different types of fish - you can catch everything from out of that well.
That's handy as I'd much rather be doing fishing than gardening - it quite nice.
Finally something you haven't moaned at!!!

I don't like you out fishing this late - its getting close to midnight - you are a sitting duck for the aliens to come and snatch you away.
Aliens - do you really believe in all that rubbish!!
Yes - trust me they love abducting you!!
I worry about your sanity sometimes - I've never been abducted by aliens!!
Not in this life ... yet... but no doubt it will happen soon enough!!!

That fish is just pathetic!!
Are you sure there are lots of different types of fish in here because all I've caught so far is 6 of these tiny little things. 
You need to sleep you're first victim arrives at 9am in the morning and I'm kind of bored sitting here watching you fish indefinitely  

Look at this - a treasure chest!!
I wouldn't get too excited!!

A worthless gnome!!

Told you!!

You are up and out early!!  Excited about today?
No I'm not!!!  I'm just popping into the grocery store to sell the fish I caught last night.
Those little tiddly things are not going to make you rich quick!!
Ha! ha!

Why are you chasing that horse?
I'm trying to watch it and pet it but it keeps running off - I like horses
You can get that thought right out of your head - you are definitely not having one!!!
Spoil sport!!

Why is there a strange woman sitting on my couch?
She is your first victim housemate, she arrived while you were chasing that horse around the streets.
You mean ...... I've got to ........ with her??!!
Yes, I'm not asking you to fall in love with her, in fact I don't want you falling in love with any of them,  you just have to ....... well, you know!!

Yeah that's what worries me!!!